03/20/2022

Page 7 of the USCCB’s pastoral letter “Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan,” gives the following definition of the natural institution of marriage: “Marriage is a lifelong partnership of the whole of life, of mutual and exclusive fidelity, established by mutual consent between a man and a woman, and ordered towards the good of the spouses and the procreation of offspring.” Marriage has two primary ends, the union of the couple and the bringing offspring into the world. The relationship is fruitful, faithful, free, and total (sharing the whole of life until death). There are in addition sacramental considerations placing marriage on the supernatural plane as well as the natural: the two persons become channels of grace for each other; the ideal of marriage as a one flesh union is compared by St. Paul to the union of Christ the bridegroom with his bride the Church; the perfect and preferred context for rearing children is in a family, sometimes referred to as the Domestic Church; it provides the setting in which a couple can develop virtuous lives of total selfgift on their pilgrimage to heaven. It is a serious commitment which demands maturity, the capacity to sacrifice, and a willingness to seek God’s help (grace) to make it work. When lived well, it is a beautiful calling which requires the total commitment of both parties. Unfortunately, some people are incapable of such a commitment. The ideal for Catholic marriage is indeed high, as it looks to provide for the good of the couple and their children.
The discernment of a partner in marriage is the most important decision that most people make in the course of their lives. The Catholic Church attempts to help couples contemplating marriage in evaluating their level of maturity their ability to enter into a life long relationship as demanding as marriage and their freedom to consent to such a commitment. There are three questions asked of each person in the marriage ceremony just before they make vows. The questions are: 1) Have you come here to enter into Marriage without coercion, freely and wholeheartedly? 2) Are you prepared to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live? & 3) Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church? Someone who enters into marriage without knowing the consequences of their “Yes” to these three questions, or who says “Yes” but actually does not consent interiorly, or who is not mature enough or does not have the skills necessary to carry out the consequences of their “Yes” to these three questions, would not be validly married in the Catholic Church. They might be considered ‘married’ elsewhere, but not in the Catholic Church. The “annulment” process seeks to ask those questions about the state of mind that the couple was in as they made their vows: Were they free in their choosing to enter into marriage? Did they know and understand what they were consenting to? Were they mature enough to make a total commitment like this? Were they open to having children? Did they have the skills to actually live this life? This is what the tribunal who looks at a marriage tries to discern.
The way that our culture views marriage, and what our culture holds up as examples of marriage, does not prepare our children to answer these questions. It is incumbent upon us to reflect on the healthy marriages we see in the parish, point them out to our children, and pass on the expectations of what it takes to succeed at the beautiful ideal that the Church presents to the People of God. The success of marriages is crucial to our future, which will be carried on by the children we are rearing. How healthy our children will be depends on how well our couples establish and create a home for them. Bishop Johnston has attempted to make Sundays holy by restricting the use of our facilities to family centered events and encourage holy leisure on Sundays. Now we are going to put into our school religion curriculum a presentation of The Theology of the Body. We recognize that a few classes just before marriage are not enough to undo the influence of years of seeing other models of marriage in our secular culture. In the parish we also try to celebrate anniversaries of weddings, especially 25, 50, 60 and above, and to bless the children in the womb twice a year. Expect even more such blessings in the future.
Next week a discussion of “annulments.” Spoiler alert: they are NOT Catholic divorces.

Father Albert, O.S.B.