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3/13/2022
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A great question has been asked about “annulments.” The response will require that we understand what it takes to make a marriage valid – especially in these days when civil marriages are so different from Catholic marriages. Civil marriages admit of divorce and remarriage fairly easily, not to mention same sex unions, and even our fellow Christians have different views of marriage than Catholics do, so we need to state our presuppositions, requirements, and vision of marriage rather carefully. Then we will have to describe what the diocesan Tribunal does when it issues a Decree of Nullity regarding a marriage. But first, I would like to dispel some misunderstandings.1) The Church does not admit of the reality of divorce from a sacramental (valid) marriage, given what Jesus said about divorce (Matthew 19, for example). When a couple who was married in the Church gets a divorce, the Church views it as a separation – they are still married, but for some reason(s) they are no longer able to live together. Divorce is a civil process, not one that exists in the Church.2) Divorced Catholics can and should practice their faith fully – they may go to communion as long as they are in the state of grace (as with all the rest of us). If there has been sin involved in the divorce for which they are responsible, they can be absolved. In fact, people who are going through a divorce are going through serious difficulties. They need to stay close to the sacraments and need the support of friends and clergy in the parish. Most of all, they are in need of healing before they can go on with their lives. Where better than in the Church? In the past, people who went through a divorce may have been shunned or felt shame, or anticipated that they would be shunned or shamed, and as a result left the Catholic Church. As a community, we need to support people who are going through such serious trials and are often hurting from the breakup of what they thought was going to be a life-long commitment.Next time: What is a valid marriage in the Catholic Church? Then we will be ready to talk about “annulments.”
3) Please do not be judgmental or cast aspersions at those who are struggling to save their marriages or who have lost that battle. The Catholic Church does not believe in divorce, but the civil society does and grants divorces frequently. The Catholic Church does not believe in contraception, abortion, cheating on taxes, stealing, drunkenness, and a whole list of things which we know some Catholics do and much of society condones. We are sinners, we make bad choices and need forgiveness when we sin (confession); we need the help of the community to grow in our awareness of what is right and wrong and how to overcome our weaknesses. Our parish should look more like a hospital for sinners than a country club for the saved, as the saying goes.
4) As a result, it is not our job to judge other people, though we certainly may judge people’s deeds. Only God knows the hearts of men and women, and only God can truly judge any of us. Jesus was found among tax collectors and prostitutes and other sinners, perhaps in part because they knew that he had something that they needed (forgiveness, hope for salvation) and were receptive to his love. Personally, I am interested in walking with people who are going through crises which may lead to divorce, those who have gone through a divorce, or those who are divorced and remarried, which is when things become complicated. In fact, Randy Holtman (who is scheduled to be ordained to the Deaconate along with Mike Casteel) has agreed to work with divorced and divorced and remarried people on “annulments” after he is ordained on June 18th.
5) The society in which we live presupposes that half the marriages will fail and so this is “normal.” Given that so many of our children grow up with a single-parent or with parents living in different places, they accept divorce as a normal part of life. Many of our youth are hesitant to marry because of their fear of divorce and so live together rather than marry, while others get married with the assumption that if it does not work, they can just get a divorce and start over. Both alternatives are harmful for producing long marriages. But the context in which our youth grow up, the values they are absorbing, and the presuppositions with which they enter into marriage are far from what the Catholic Church teaches. I am not sure if a weekend retreat and a few sessions to explain marriage is enough for them to truly understand what it means to be married as Catholics understand it, or have an idea of what it takes to live that commitment. It may well be that many of these marriages are not valid because the people do not really understand what Christ’s vision for marriage is. If it can be established that they were not aware or mature enough or free enough, then that marriage can be declared “null,” That is what an “annulment” or “Declaration of Nullity” is.Father Albert, O.S.B.